Surprise!

I guess now would be as good a time as any to pop in and say...

I've been cooking up a tiny baby boy for the last 8 months; due to arrive in July!

We are so excited to meet our little man, and if I'm being honest, I'm still trying to wrap my head around what it's going to be like to parent two little people at once.

I think Liv is going to LOVE being a big sister. She talks about "baby brother" all the time and regularly lifts my shirt up just to kiss my tummy and say hi to him.

This pregnancy has been night-and-day different from my first. The all-day morning sickness started earlier, lasted longer and was far more severe this time around. It is so true when people say that your body remembers what to do when you get pregnant for the second time. My belly popped so much quicker. I feel like he is huge even though he's not, and I'm carrying him much lower and straight out. I've gained more weight this time, been so much more exhausted and uncomfortable, and have had an insatiable craving for sugar. I also suffered from migraines during my second trimester that I never had when pregnant with Liv. 

Oh the joys of bringing children into the world! I know it will all be worth it the second I pull that little babe to my chest and kiss his tiny head.

We recently took a family babymoon to Hawaii. Here are a few photos from our trip. 

The shiz no one tells you after childbirth

Like moths to a flame, veteran mamas always seem to flock to expectant women in order to share their terrifying labor play-by-plays or graphic pregnancy war stories. I can't imagine they believe this information is truly helpful; they just need someone to commiserate with I suppose. Either way, I hated these women when I was pregnant. I didn't care to hear the tale of an epidural gone terribly wrong, or a story about a women's tailbone snapping while pushing out her baby, or about the onset and treatment of pregnancy hemorrhoids. I didn't want any negative energy affecting my own experience.

With that said, there are some things I think need to be discussed. My intention here is not to scare any of my childless friends from ever getting pregnant (because trust me, I want each and every one of you knocked up, like yesterday), but I wish someone had prepared me for what takes place after pregnancy and labor. These are the things no one ever seems to talk about, probably because they are busy kissing all over fat new baby cheeks. But I want to change that. It's time to get real. Ready? Go.

First, you will not want anyone else holding your baby for a while. Don't get me wrong, you want to show off your new bundle of joy, but you are also convinced visitors will either drop her or give her the ebola virus.

It will hurt to poop for months after childbirth and you will experience PTSD-style flashbacks each time you head to the bathroom.

After having a baby attached to your boobs every two hours for the last three months, you will no longer view those things as anything other than life-giving milkshake dispensers. They want no part of being fondled by your frisky partner. 

The last 10 pounds of baby weight does not fall off simply because you are breastfeeding. That stuff clings to your butt and thighs like white on rice to ensure that if you never have another meal, you can still feed your baby.

In the first weeks after your baby is born, you will dread the nighttime. While it used to foster feelings of peace and relaxation, it now brings with it bleak isolation and exhaustion. You will see the clock read 10:00pm, midnight, 2:00, 3:30, 5:30 and 7:00am while you feed your baby in a groggy state. You will resent your husband for sleeping like a rock through it all. (Normally, you would have said, "sleeping like a baby" but it turns out babies don't actually sleep and you realize whoever came up with this term is full of crap.) You will also do some of your best thinking at these ungodly hours. You may even scheme up ways of selling all your belongings just to afford a night nanny.

Much to your husband's dismay, you will have no interest in sex. The term "Irish Twins" makes you shudder as you question how anyone gets pregnant so soon after delivering a baby because THIS.SHOP.IS.CLOSED for the foreseeable future.

You want to kick everyone in the shins who tries to convince you that you'll feel back to normal after 6 weeks. 16 weeks seems like a more reasonable expectation. Yes 16 weeks. You're still hopeful for 16 weeks.

You think it is very likely that your heart will explode from the love you feel for your child. It is an all-consuming, scary kind of love and you have to convince yourself daily that she is not yours– not really. She doesn't belong to you and as hard as you try, you can't will her to keep breathing while she sleeps. You must give up control and just accept each moment with her as a gift if you wish to maintain any semblance of sanity.

So there you have it– a few things I would have appreciated a heads up on as I blindly walked into motherhood.

Is there anything you wish someone would have warned you about? Feel free to add to the list!

Let's talk placentas, shall we?

I'm was born and bred in Boulder, Colorado. Land of the liberals, where I am a moderate. Home of the dreadheaded trustafarians, of which I am neither. I shave my armpits, I don't drive a Subaru and I rarely play my didgeridoo for a crowd on Pearl Street. Although I love my hometown more than most places on earth, I haven't ever really fit the granola mold. It wasn't until becoming pregnant that I started to realize I had a little more tree hugger in me than I once thought.

My choice to have a natural water birth with midwives outside of a hospital was received with a bit of resistance from most people I told. But what really raised some eyebrows was my decision to encapsulate my placenta and consume it after giving birth.

After researching the numerous physical and emotional health benefits of consuming your placenta, deciding to dehydrate and encapsulate mine was a no brainer. 

Think about it. For 9 months during pregnancy, this incredible organ supports a growing life inside your body. It provides a perfect balance of vitamins, minerals and hormones to create a healthy baby. Once you've delivered that baby, the placenta remains as a viable, nutrient-rich organ uniquely designed for your body, by your body. It is chock-full of protein and iron which help aid in the body's recovery after childbirth. Placenta pills naturally increase energy, lessen postnatal bleeding, and may also help to increase milk supply in lactating women. 

Perhaps one of the greatest health benefits of consuming your placenta, however, is its ability to combat the symptoms of baby blues and postpartum depression. One article I read had this to say about fluctuating hormone levels after childbirth:

"Research on placentophagy is still in its infancy, although there is a large body of research beginning to develop on postpartum hormone fluctuations and health. Researchers from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) conducted a study that focused on CRH (Corticotropin-Releasing Hormone). CRH is a stress reducer, and is generally produced by the hypothalamus. During the last trimester of pregnancy, the placenta secretes so much CRH that the levels in the bloodstream increase threefold. However, it was also discovered that postpartum women have lower than average levels of CRH, triggering depressive symptoms.¹ They concluded that the placenta secreted so much CRH that the hypothalamus stopped producing it. Once the placenta was born, it took some time for the hypothalamus to get the signal that the CRH levels were low, and to begin producing it again. This is just another sign that there is likely a biological cause for the baby blues, directly related to hormone levels." source

Did you know humans are the only mammals who don't eat their placenta immediately after giving birth? While I certainly wouldn't be game for making a placenta lasagna (it's true, there are recipes), I see nothing scary about taking a vitamin that is made from a product of my own body.   

Since I began taking my dehydrated placenta pills just a few days after delivering Liv and she is my only child, I don't have any other experience to compare it to. All I can say is that depression runs in my family and my physical and emotional recovery after giving birth was incredibly smooth. My milk came in quickly and with abundance and I felt that my hormones regulated within a couple short weeks. With the exception of a handful of sleep deprived sob sessions, I didn't experience any of the scary symptoms of postpartum depression.

Placentophagy has been around for thousands of years in eastern medicine practices. For me, that was evidence enough to give it a try. I figured if I didn't notice anything, no harm done. But if it could aid in my physical recovery and emotional health, it would be well worth it.

I would encourage any pregnant mamas out there to do some research on people in your area who do placenta encapsulation. Dig a little deeper, talk to people who have done it. Knowledge is power and it might make all the difference in your recovery after birth.

This semi-granola Boulderite is certainly a believer!

Progress: Complete

I realized I never posted my completed weekly pregnancy photos. It turns out that once you go into labor, have a baby, then bring said baby home, little projects such as this fall by the wayside. 

Better late than never!

I was still pregnant at 39 weeks but failed to get a photo. If you can, picture a whale, then add a house. That's how big I was.   

Liv Evelyn's Birth Story

Keane and I set our alarms for early Saturday morning so we could spend the day painting the exterior of our house. It was one of the last items on our to-do list before the baby came and we wanted to take advantage of the nice weather since snow was scheduled to move in two days later. We ate breakfast and got to work, Keane on the siding and me on the front.

I painted the pillars and window/door trim with my 39-week belly peeking out beneath my maternity tank. A few of our neighbors stopped by to chat, asking me when I was going to have that baby of mine. With my due date less than a week away, I eagerly replied, "Could be any day!"

I finished my portion of the project around 2:00pm and got in the shower. My body ached and I knew I had overdone it. I laid on the couch with some ice on my hips and tried to relax. Around 3:00, I began noticing that my frequent and usual Braxton Hicks contractions were getting stronger, lasting longer and coming so consistently, they could be timed. I mentioned it to Keane but neither of us gave it much energy. I knew from our classes and from women in my life that early labor could start and stop over the course of several days. So as not to get my hopes up, I continued to rest and tried to ignore them.

In the next few hours, it became clear that labor was starting. The Braxton Hicks quickly transitioned into real contractions and were coming every 6 minutes and lasting 45-60 seconds. Keane went to the store to get us some dinner, knowing that if this was the real deal, we would need a nutritious meal to keep us going. After we ate, we gathered up the last few things we would bring to the birth center. By 9:00pm, I had reached 3-1-1 (contractions every 3 minutes, lasting for 1 minute, sustained for 1 hour). Keane called Tiffany, the on-call midwife, who told us to continue timing them and call her back in an hour. By 10:30, we were on our way in.

Keane informed our family that we were in labor while I breathed through each contraction from the back seat of the truck. When we arrived at Mountain Midwifery Center, Tiffany greeted us and helped us settle into our birthing room. She checked how far along I was. 3 centimeters and 90% effaced. I had hoped to be further since my contractions were coming fast and furious, but she assured me everything was progressing as it should.

I spent the next 5 hours walking the halls of the birth center with Keane, rocking my upper body in a sling suspended from the ceiling, swaying on my hands and knees, and circling my pelvis on a birthing ball. Keane and the midwife took turns applying counter pressure to my low back during contractions and I focused on releasing and relaxing my muscles. A few times I tried lying in bed to rest in between rushes but I found that remaining stagnant only made each contraction more painful. I threw up everything in my stomach sometime early Sunday morning.

At 4:00am, Tiffany checked me again. I had only progressed 2 more centimeters in 5 hours. I felt so defeated. She asked me to do a series lunges up and down the stairs to get things moving along quicker. This sounded like a terrible idea to me but I agreed if it was going to help me dilate faster. Keane stabilized me as I made wide strides down each stair, pausing and rocking for 10 seconds before taking another step. Every time a contraction would come, I deepened my squat, closed my eyes and moaned through it. It took me about 30 minutes to make it down two flights of stairs this way and by the bottom, I was ready to collapse.

"Great, now come back up the same way. Only this time skip a step in between and really get your hips low," Tiffany said from the top of the stairs. I wanted to cry and give up but Keane scooped me up under my arms and told me I could do it, that I was doing it and that I was strong. Another 30 minutes later, a few rests on my hands and knees, and I had made it to the top. Tiffany told me I deserved to get in the tub after all that hard work.

Being submerged in the warm water felt great. I sat on my feet and leaned over the edge of the tub so I could rest my head on Keane's lap. He held my hands during contractions and stroked my forehead while I gathered my strength between each one. I labored like this for almost two hours. Not a word was spoken between Keane or me during this time. Each rush would come, I would rise up on my knees, squeeze his hands, and let out a low-pitched groan until it was over. Then I'd sit back down and try to sleep for 3 minutes before the next one came.

A 6:00am shift change brought a new midwife Sarah and student midwife Erin. By this point, I was running so low on energy, I could barely open my eyes. I hadn't slept in over 24 hours and I had been been having contractions 2-3 minutes apart for the last 10 hours. I begged for Sarah to check me so I could know what our next step needed to be. I couldn't go on at this rate for too much longer. Sarah checked my cervix and I held my breath for good news. "You are about six and a half. That's great, Kelly. You are doing so beautifully," she said.

I saw Keane's head drop into his hands. "That is NOT great!" I snapped back at her. "That is terrible!" Keane asked her how much longer she thought it might take at this rate. Sarah explained that the cervix usually opens one centimeter every 1-2 hours but that I was progressing on the slow end of the spectrum. After some quick math it dawned on us that I might be in for another 8 hours of this. I told Keane I wanted to transfer to the hospital. I wanted an epidural so I could sleep. I was so tired and I was sure I didn't have anymore to give. He said he would support me in whatever decision I made, that he was proud of me and he didn't want me to be in agony. He also didn't want to rush over to the hospital because I had a moment of desperation. I had warned him early on in my pregnancy that if I started to talk like this during labor, to ignore me because I didn't really mean it.

Sarah calmly gave me a few options, one of which was getting an IV of fluids to boost my energy. She also said we could talk about breaking my water which might speed things along.

This was the first time during the whole process that I was scared. I wanted a time-out to think things through, but my contractions were coming so quickly and so intensely that I thought if waited too long to make a decision, the option for an epidural wouldn't be available to me. I questioned how I would even make it over to the hospital with as much pain as I was experiencing. I began to panic and I felt my body tense up.

Sarah told me that either way, she thought an IV would be a good next step so she started me on some fluids. Within the hour, I had renewed energy and my water broke on its own which was Divinely timed. It was so encouraging to know that my body was in fact moving toward birthing this baby naturally.

After my water broke, I started feeling the urge to push during some of my contractions. Sarah told me that was a very good sign because it meant the baby was moving down into the birth canal. With each contraction, I would hang around Keane's neck in a squat, shifting back and forth and grunting. He praised me each time I bore down and pushed, reminding me that we were getting closer to meeting our daughter. With more strength and confidence, I began walking the halls again. I sat on a ball in the hot shower, letting the water hit my aching stomach and legs. I hovered on a birth stool to help open my pelvis during contractions. Over the next few hours, each grunt got louder as I pushed harder.

Sarah decided to check me again and discovered I was 8 centimeters but that there was still a small part of the amniotic sac in tact that was preventing the baby's head from fulling dilating my cervix. On my next contraction, she broke the remainder of the sac. Within minutes, I was 10 centimeters. She told me to get in the tub– I was ready to have this baby.

No news had ever sounded sweeter! Both Keane and I let out a sigh of relief and I got back in the water.

Every contraction was an opportunity for me to give about 5 or 6 strong pushes. It was such a relief to be able to push after so many hours. It felt like I was finally channeling my energy and power for a purpose. Pushing came without much effort on my part. My body took over and I was just along for the ride. I couldn't control how many times or how hard I pushed– contractions came, I pushed with all my might, growling and grunting while feeling our daughter's head slide lower inside me. I could tell exactly where she was with every push. At one point, Sarah told me to reach down and feel her head. Knowing she was so close gave me energy to finish strong.  

I'm told I pushed for over an hour but I have no recollection of time passing. I was in another world, and it was the most primal I had ever felt. During the last few contractions, I felt myself disassociate from my body. It was like I was watching the whole experience from above. I didn't hear instructions or encouragement. My eyes were shut and my breath was steady. 

I gave one final push and felt our baby's head fully emerge, then the rest of her body slip effortlessly out. In an instant, I snapped back to reality and reached down to grab my baby from the water. 

The rush of emotion that came next was overwhelming. I remember saying, "Oh my God! I did it! She's here!" I told Keane I loved him over and over again. I wept, holding our tiny newborn to my chest while he showered both his girls with kisses. 

After a minute or two, the midwives and nurse helped us move from the water to the bed where our family could rest together and bond. No one snatched our new baby away from us to weigh her or clean her up. No one rushed us to cut the cord before we were ready. In fact, they left it intact to the placenta for almost two hours so she could get every last drop of her cord blood. She stayed skin-to-skin with either Keane or me until we left the birth center to go home a mere 4 hours later. 

Being in such a raw space with Keane was a beautifully spiritual experience. He never once left my side. He lifted me up both physically and emotionally when I was at my weakest, bracing my weight during each contraction and praying for renewed strength for me when I needed it most.

My nurses and midwives were so nurturing and respectful throughout labor. They never doubted me and knew exactly what to say when I began to doubt myself. They had unfailing patience and assured me that everything I was experiencing was normal. Because of them, I was able to trust my body to do its job.

 Liv Evelyn came into this world in the most perfect way imaginable. I wanted an out-of-hospital,  natural childbirth experience with minimal medical interventions and that was exactly what I got. I was prepared to challenge my body and push it to its limits because I wanted to feel every second of my labor and bring our baby into this world wide-eyed and ready to nurse. I am forever grateful for my experience, for a healthy pregnancy and delivery, and a perfectly baby. 

Just in case you were interested, this is the video from MMC's website. It makes me cry each time I watch it. Also, the midwife in the video is the same one who delivered Liv. I love her :)

Meet Liv

Our precious girl arrived last Sunday afternoon after 17 hours of labor. She is a perfect mix of her papa and me and I can't remember life without her. We have spent the last 5 days in total awe of this incredible being we created, thanking God for such a rich life. 

World, meet Liv.

Liv, world.

Waiting Game

Welp, I'm still pregnant. Today marks 39 weeks and I've been feeling quite well considering I'm walking around with a full-size baby resting on my pubic bone while consistently head-butting my bladder. I've been giving my body lots of love and patience recently because it's doing a pretty cool thing and it deserves some grace. Although I've been moving much slower in recent days, I'm still managing to make it to the gym three mornings a week for cardio, weights and stretching. I have been religious about my workouts throughout this pregnancy and I'm crossing my fingers it pays off in a quick and easy delivery. Here's hoping! 

Last Friday was my final day at work. I permanently resigned and will now be a stay-at-home-mama to our baby girl when she arrives. I have said it before but I truly believe I was put on this planet to be a wife and mother and nothing brings me more joy or excitement than beginning this new stage in my journey. I can't wait to get her in my arms. 

Yesterday, I made a vision board of positive affirmations and photos to focus on during labor. Since I am having a natural childbirth and not using any drugs, I'm hoping these visuals will be helpful in keeping me focused and ultimately trusting my body to do what it knows how to do. The wave is to remind me to "ride" my contractions (or as Ina May Gaskin calls them, rushes), the flowers symbolize my body opening for new life, and the baby is obvious...there is a wonderful gift waiting for me on the other side. But my favorite image is the painting of the woman in a birthing tub, holding her newborn in ecstasy. Women all around the world are delivering babies in this way each day and I will not be alone in this. For me, there is great power in that notion. 

Keane and I are planning on fitting in another date night this weekend as well as some work on the outside of the house while the weather is still nice. The forecast calls for snow and freezing temps Monday through Wednesday of next week which makes me more than a little grumpy. What happened to Spring?! All my flowers are dying and I would much rather labor outside in the sunshine rather than inside by the heater. Ugh. 

Happy Friday, friends. 

xo

Nursery Tour

Alas, baby girl's room is finally done! Phew. This space has truly been a labor of love. After moving into our house in October of last year, we used our spare bedroom as somewhat of a dumping ground for things we didn't have space for in the rest of the house. We wanted to wait to find out the gender of our babe before putting a whole lot of thought into turning it into a nursery. 

Before doing anything else, Keane ripped out the disgusting carpet and we replaced it with a large neutral rug. Luckily we had original hardwood floors under the carpet that were in really good condition.  

After finding out we were expecting a girl in November, we picked out the soft lavender paint color and got down to business. We scrubbed, spackled, sanded, and painted every wall, door and baseboard. Then I decided on fabric for her curtains.

I was very adamant about choosing something that didn't look too baby-ish. I'm not a huge fan of pink but I still wanted them to be soft and feminine. Both sets of curtains cost me about $100 to make since the upholstery fabric wasn't cheap but I LOVE how they turned out. 

I found that floating shelf at a thrift store when we were living in Wyoming. It was an ugly oak color and was missing all the hooks. I sanded and painted it, and added pretty knobs from Anthropologie. Our crib and dresser set is from Target and the photos above Raybie's crib are from our two maternity photo shoots. 

This glider is from Costco and is one of our favorite purchases for the room. Keane and I are both tall and my torso is freakishly long, so we needed to find something with a high back that we could rest our heads against. I found the side table at Home Goods and I repainted an old lamp the same avocado color I used on the shelf and added a new shade. 

The flower print is from Ikea and the hook is from Hobby Lobby. I made the headbands :) 

I replaced the knobs on the dresser with some from Hobby Lobby. 

Aaaaand then there's the closet. Oh sweet husband of mine. He is so handy and totally overhauled this teeny tiny space. Up until a month ago, he had been using this closet for his own clothes since I promptly monopolized every other storage space in the house when we moved in. I wish I would have taken a before picture but this space was so inefficient. It had one bar and three shelves which were too high to even use. Hubby got all the material from Home Depot and made this small space much more usable for babe's tiny clothes. And see that 6 inch space at the bottom right? That's Keane's closet. Bless him.

Just for kicks, here are some before and after pictures of the room.

I can't wait to bring this girl home already! We're ready when you are, sweet one.