Nov 15, 2012

Weathering the Storm

I believe life is a mountain with no summit. Each day is part of the vertical ascent on a journey that has no end. We climb until the day we die, propelling ourselves forward to find growth and purpose in every step, all while trying to maintain a steady pace. Often there are storms to weather and sometimes we find obstacles blocking our path, but it's how we handle the adversities that defines our character.

Unfortunately, there seem to be some pretty heavy storms in my life at the current moment and my character is being tested. Despite all the amazing and exciting things happening, there is unrest in my soul. As expected, life has gotten far more complicated since moving back to Colorado and I'm feeling the effects.

Keane and I have been forced to face painful family issues head on, no longer having the protection of a state line to buffer us. I'm having an extremely hard time forgiving and anger has taken its toll on my heart. I feel extra protective of my space and time in an attempt to guard myself from additional hurt. This pregnancy has only heightened the urge to create boundaries for our growing family and I'm trying to parse out what is reasonable and what is emotionally driven.

In addition to that, most days I feel like I'm being swallowed up by the pace of city life. I ache for simplicity and open spaces. I crave an escape from people and their expectations. I feel like I survive the weeks only to have my precious weekends pass in the blink of an eye. Every day feels like groundhog day and I'm grasping for some meaning in it all.

Right now on my mountain climb I'm amidst some thick clouds. I can't quite get my bearings and I'm staggering side to side, bumping into rocks and bruising my shins. I'm desperate for some direction and some peace.

I don't want to waste my precious energy fighting my environment when I should be freeing myself from it, but the emotional and logical are feuding in my head. I'm angry but I know unwillingness to forgive only hurts me. I long for a change but I know the only thing I must change is my perspective.

I also know that I've gotten complacent on my journey. I've stopped taking care of my spiritual self because I've been short on time. But I know now more than ever that when life picks up, I need to slow down and reconnect with the one thing that is real. I need to pray and go to church and read and be in silence. I need refreshers on how to remain centered, living from within, because I so easily forget. I need to turn off the TV and go to the gym. I need to spend time in nature. All these things should be made a priority.

In times of difficulty we have no choice but to keep moving forward, even when it's difficult to see where we're going. The storm will eventually pass and things will become clear again. Until then, we can only refine and improve ourselves while letting go of that which is beyond our control. We can't change the actions of others, but we can choose to forgive for our own well-being. Anything less is too heavy a load to shoulder on our climb.

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." -Oprah Winfrey


  1. My family dynamic is complicated -- one person in particular has been the primary source of hurt & anger over the last 20 years. I have spent 2 years (plus distance & boundaries) actively trying to forgive her. It wasn't until I started treating her cordially (as if we were new acquaintances), that I was able to see myself as an equal instead of inferior or superior to her. There were so many times when I felt uncomfortable & anxious being around her & showing kindness to her, but I think those moments brought me to maturity & forgiveness in our relationship. It also softened her heart. I didn't even realize I had forgiven her until the moment in which I defended her during a family member's rant against her. I'll keep your situation in my prayers, Kelly!

  2. Kelly,

    I can relate so much to this right now... there is angst and broken feelings in our family right now... I've been with my boyfriend for over four years and the relationship between his two older half-sisters and I goes up and down like a roller coaster. And I don't particularly like roller coasters. We are all hurting by their seperation (they both have moved their families (little babies that we love soooo much) far away (Texas and Idaho to our Missouri) and it is very hard. The family feels broken and seperated and it is just really hard.

    I will pray for you and for your families Kelly, and Keane too, I'm sure he is having a hard time and it is hard for him to watch you have a hard time I'm sure... I don't know exactly what you are going through, but God does and He is listening.

    Sorry for the novel!!!!

  3. Sometimes I think we should tattoo on our arms 'This too shall pass' to help remind ourselves!

  4. Thank you all so much for your stories and kind words! Sometimes it's nice to know we're not alone in our struggles. xo


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