Five years

It's been five years since I walked down that winding path to meet you. Five years since my Dad passed my hands over to yours. Five years since we promised each other Always and Forever.

It feels like we've spent a lifetime already together. Each day is an adventure with you, my love. Thank you for being such a supportive husband to me and a loving father to our Liv.

Happiest anniversary.

I still do.

Lately in photos

We've been surviving bouts of the polar vortex over here with lots of indoor activities and play dates with friends. Luckily, unlike the rest of the country, our sub zero weather was broken up by temperatures that reached the 60's some days so it hasn't been all bad. 

Here are some Instagram (@raysyoursights) and iPhone photos of what we've been up to recently. 

Struttin' around with her fancy lady fan//Carefully observing the big kids at the playground//Proving that she can now climb onto furniture and make herself comfy, all on her own//Tantrums which are starting far too early for my liking//Exploring the market at the Children's Museum with her pal Drew//Double date with Brooke and Cameron to the Butterfly Pavilion//Dog beds are her happy place//ET phone home//Sunday family brunch

A sick little cream puff//Pear to the face//My attempt at Valentine's nails//Sleeping beauty//I can never and will never get over her feet. OBSESSED//First swim with some friends, Charlie Mae and Ellie//Mama and baby photo op at the pool//Family hike in Evergreen//All my children

Exploring the mountains with papa//Valentine's Day celebration with my main squeeze//Chocolate cake the size of one's head//Feeling guilty for being short with Siri//So much love for my guy after spending hours talking about our goals for our marriage//Play date at Olen's house...his mama makes the coolest toys!//Olen and Liv, born just 3 days apart//Ikea//Just moments before L picked up a handful of dog poop at the park. YAY!

New Beginnings

Just when I was starting to wrap my head around 2013, BAM! Another year gone.

Welcome, 2014. I trust you will be good to us.

Last year was a good one. We welcomed a baby girl into the family and our world was shaken to its core in the best possible way. I wholeheartedly embraced the job I always knew I was meant for and became a stay-at-home mama. K and I adjusted to our new normal, kissing sleep goodbye for the foreseeable future and figuring out how to juggle the added responsibility of caring for a tiny, helpless human.

Since ringing in 2014 nearly one week ago, I've been spending a lot of time pondering what it is that I envision for this new year; what it is that I want from it– from myself, really.

More so than any other year, I feel I have a true opportunity for a start fresh. There are several things that need tweaking in my life and I feel ready to dig deep and put in the work. There really is no time like the present, right?

Above all else, I want to stop using time as an excuse for my shortcomings. Phrases like, "I'm too busy" or, "I wish there were more hours in the day" frequent my vocabulary more than they should. I want to stop complaining about time because the more attention I give to lack, the bigger lack becomes.

Once I've loosened my grip on the clock and allow time to flow as it should, I plan to re-prioritize the important things in life:

Health- Physical, Emotional, Spiritual. I want to schedule more time each week to attend a yoga class, journal, sit in silence, take a bath by candlelight, and serve others. I want to get out of the city, away from the constant chatter of people and buzz of electronics. I want to find a church that we are excited about attending and one that we can raise our daughter in. I want to finally start the book study with Keane that we've been talking about doing for months. I want to simplify my world.
Relationships- I want to strive to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend everyday. Send a handwritten note just because. Help someone move (it's truly my least favorite thing to do EVER so this is a big one), cook a meal and deliver it when someone is ill. Smile at more strangers. Chat with the clerk at the grocery store rather than rushing off to my next activity. See the Good and the God in everyone I meet. Be selfless more of the time.
Creativity- Turn off the television, put down the phone and create something. A lavish meal, a fun painting, a blog post that's been brewing in my brain for months. I want to paint my nails, listen to loud music, dance wildly with my husband.

I'm avoiding using the word "resolutions" because statistics prove that those things are never successfully kept. Instead, this list is more of a direction I wish to take. It's a personal mission for my life.

I took this photo a year and a half ago in Aspen.
It makes my soul happy.

Here's to you, 2014...

Let's make it good.

Merry Merry

These last couple of weeks have been pure magic for our little family. Liv experienced several firsts this Christmas season and was showered with goodies by so many loving family members. Although she's too little to grasp the meaning of this holiday, the excitement of it all was certainly not lost on her.  

She opened lots of prizes, danced to every existing variation of Jingle Bell Rock, decorated cookies with mama, and tempted the fate of very breakable ornaments which were hung too low on the tree...oops! I always thought Christmas was the best as a kid, but now I know I was wrong. It's WAY better as a parent. 

Merry Christmas and happiest New Year wishes from our family to yours!

Stay Classy

The week before last, our clan headed west to visit my brother's family in San Diego. Liv did well on the airplane but we were grateful the flight wasn't any longer than it was. She was a squirmy little worm and two hours proved to be her limit for sitting in one spot. 

The weather wasn't ideal with highs only in the mid 60s but we still took time to dip our toes in the ocean and get sand in every nook and cranny of our diaper. It was L's first time visiting the beach and she loved everything about it. In fact she screamed each time we'd lift her from the water or try to brush the sand from her face. 

My dad flew out from Phoenix to spend the weekend with everyone too. Liv was enamored with all the family but would stare at her cousins, studying their every move. 

They were just as excited to see her and were eager to share their toys, feed her and hold her on their laps. Because Sofia's Ls come out as Ws, Liv has been dubbed "Baby Wiv" by the entire family since she was born. 

I wish we could have counted the number of times "Baby Wiv" was said over the course of those 5 days. 

We spent one day exploring Coronado Island and a few afternoons at the beach in Del Mar. We ate good food, took evening walks and drank our morning coffee on the patio watching the fog burn off. I'll tell you what, there are worse things in life than living in San Diego. 

It is so beautiful there!

Until next time...

You stay classy, San Diego.

8.17.09

Last week was a rough one. This little babe of ours had been waking every couple hours at night for several days, and the previous months of sleep deprivation was finally catching up with me.
I hit my breaking point on Tuesday afternoon.

 It was a combination of exhaustion and anxiety. I felt like jumping out of my own skin. All I wanted to do was lie down and shut my eyes but a fussy baby who was resisting naps made that impossible.

I can only imagine that is how insomniacs feel– so tired it literally aches, yet unable to rest. Frantically waving my white flag, I called Keane at 4:00pm in a tearful stupor asking for help. He arrived home a short time later with flowers in hand demanding I head to bed to get some rest. He took Liv and the dogs on a long walk so I could have a silent house all to myself.

In my opinion, parenthood is one of the hardest things to hit a marriage. There is so much change in such a short period of time and you each are thrust into new roles with which you are not yet familiar. It requires constant communication to work through feelings of resentment, isolation and loneliness that threaten your previously unshakable relationship.

Saturday, we celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. 

This year has been full of change, yet this guy remains my constant. He is always there when I feel like surrendering. He makes sacrifices for his family, is a loyal friend and has a heart of gold. 

It's been incredible seeing him evolve into a father over the last four months. He has cultivated such an amazing relationship with our little girl that it makes me excited to grow our family with him again and again (but not too soon!).

I can't imagine life without this little family of mine. Happy anniversary to the greatest man I know. I love you forever and always. 

This little job of mine

You know when you finally land that job that you just know you were meant to do? When everything falls into place and you feel complete? That's how I feel about being a mother. Everyday I find myself taking a step back and looking at this life of mine in awe. My heart feels more full than it ever has before. I always knew this was my purpose, it was just a matter of time until I could fulfill it. 

Not that it's easy or always (ever?) glamourous, but I go to bed each night feeling grateful for my role in our family, and wake up each morning excited to do it all again. 

So to that handsome husband of mine: thank you, thank you, thank you for working so hard to make it possible for your girls to spend their days together. Being a stay-at-home-mom to Liv is the most meaningful job I have ever known. 

Keane's Quotables

A particularly ridonkulous conversation which took place in the middle of the night while I was nursing Liv. It started with a jab to Keane's ribs to inform him of his snoring.

Me: ::jab::

Me: ::jab jab::

Him: What?! What the hell was that?!

Me: It was me. You're snoring.

Him: Mmmm like a Ferrari. (I mean....who even is this person!)

::crickets while trying to contain my laughter::

Me: Oooookay... well can you roll over?

Him: Yeah, sure, you got it.

::Meanwhile, he remains in the same position and continues to snore::

Me: KEANE! ROLL OVER! ::simultaneous kick to the leg::

Him: Oh yeah, sorry.

He's lucky he's cute. 

This guy...

When Liv was just a few days old, we gave our Baby K' tan a try for the first time. Keane was pleased to discover what the assumed to be a hat/scarf combo in the box. 

Then he proceeded to demonstrate all its different styles and uses, one being a sling for your broken arm. 

You can't have him, he's mine. 

A daddy and his daughter

There are few bonds as special as this. 

Seeing a grown man melt each time he gazes at his newborn daughter; his arms enveloping her tiny body while he rocks her to sleep. 

Catching them in the living room dancing the two-step while Zac Brown Band plays through the speakers. 

Kowing all that he will teach her about unconditional love, self-acceptance and living life to the fullest. 

Picturing them laughing together at his silly voices and made-up song lyrics as she gets older. 

Trusting that he is the only other person on this earth who loves her the way that I do. He'd do everything in his power to move mountains for her, protect her from harm and support her wildest dreams. 

 Expecting her to look at him in awe; the same way I have for the last 11 years.

Witnessing this relationship flourish brings joy to my heart and tears to my eyes.

There are few bonds as special as a daddy and his daughter.

Keane's Quotables

Keane: Why would you buy such a creepy toy to hang in our daughter's face? 

Me: What? What do you mean? 

Keane: That weird looking African man wearing a beanie. It's kind of scary.

Me: Keane, that's a zebra. Z for zebra...see? 

He legitimately thought the lower half of the zebra's head was the face of a man (two white eyes, a weird nose and a big smile) and he couldn't figure out what the Z was for. And now, since he pointed it out, all I can see is a man in a striped suit with a superhero Z on his chest. Thanks for ruining such a cute (and expensive) Pottery Barn toy for me, babe!

Before there are three

The realization came while we were chatting over Sunday brunch. Without warning, my lips quivered and I began to cry into my coffee. Keane asked what was wrong and I muttered through my tears that things were never going to be the same again. It hit me in that moment over our morning muffins that in one month, our days as a twosome would be over. Memories of our simple times together, spontaneous weekend trips and exciting adventures flashed through my mind. Everything was about to change and I was suddenly mourning our days of being "just the two of us" before they were even over.

Leisurely weekend brunches, an activity we've taken for granted for so long, would look totally different. We will have to wait for bigger tables to accommodate an added person and our newly acquired stuff. Simple trips to the grocery store or to Target will move slower and take longer. Every outing will require planning around feeding times and nap schedules.

And, how was I supposed to balance my love for Keane with the adoration I will feel for this person we created together? What if I fall short as a wife and our relationship suffers? Will we make enough time for each other and for ourselves to remain sane?

Keane looked at me and smiled. He said he had been having similar thoughts recently but didn't want to share them and risk upsetting me. We spent the next hour discussing what worried us about becoming parents, what we needed to prioritize in order to maintain a strong marriage and personal well-being, and what excited us the most about this new stage in our lives. We agreed we wouldn't be normal if we weren't concerned about things changing in the future, so we gave ourselves a break and committed to roll with the punches after this little lady enters our family.

As our due date approaches, we are taking full advantage of our final days together as a solo couple. We have date nights planned, movie passes to use and lots of honest talks over Sunday brunch waiting for us at tables that only seat two.

To My Valentine:

For changing my life in unexplainable ways,

For keeping me in check when my ego gets the best of me, 

For providing humor to the world when it's needed most,

For confidently embarking on this journey of parenthood with me,

For loving me so well,

Thank you.

Happy Valentine's Day, my dear. Forever is hardly long enough with you.