Cohen Bozley Ray: A birth story

Throughout my entire pregnancy, I was convinced my midwives had miscalculated my due date by at least a few weeks. I felt huge and uncomfortable for months leading up to my due date and I started having intense contractions beginning around 32 weeks. Either this baby was coming early or there were a few of them in there- I just knew it. And although they assured me I wasn't having twins and that our baby boy was growing normally, each time I went in for an appointment my midwives emphasized how important it was that I rest my body and try to eliminate stress so I didn't go into labor too early.

Fast forward to July 21st where I sat on the couch of my midwife's office, crying because I was still pregnant on my due date. I was swollen and achy. I was exhausted from carrying around all that extra weight while chasing a toddler all day. I wanted to lie on my back again. I wanted my boy to come and I couldn't figure out why he wasn't budging. After handing me an entire box of tissues, my midwife checked me. I was 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced. She reassured me that effacement was a better indicator of my body's readiness to begin labor than dilation, so I was in good shape. She stripped my membranes at my request, told me to call if there was any action, and I was on my way.

My contractions strengthened throughout that day but remained inconsistent. We went for a long walk when Keane got home from work in hopes that it might speed things along. He rubbed my ankles and I chugged Red Raspberry Leaf Tea. I went to bed panicking over the idea of going another two weeks with this baby inside of me.

The following day, Liv and I ran some errands to keep busy. We played at the park, cooked dinner and went for another walk. This time, I lunged my way around the neighborhood. I could definitely feel things moving in the right direction but my contractions were still manageable and inconsistent.

Later that evening, Keane put Liv to bed while I lay on the couch catching up on Orange is the New Black. I glanced at the clock when I began noticing a few contractions that had come back-to-back. It was 9:02 pm. I told Keane this might be it and he suggested I call the midwife and take a hot shower. I called our birth center at 9:15 and let them know my contractions were coming about 5 minutes apart. My midwife asked if I felt like coming in but I told her I'd rather stay and labor at home for a while since things were still very manageable. I'd call her with an update when things progressed.

By 9:30pm I could no longer speak through my contractions. I was on all fours, rocking and moaning, attempting to catch my breath. When Keane came inside from packing up the car, he panicked at the sight of me. He immediately called the midwife and told her we were on our way. During that time, Keane's mom came over to stay with Liv while we went and had this baby.

I made my short walk to the car, stopping twice for contractions. I was getting no break between them and the thought having to make the 20 minute drive to the birth center was daunting. Keane helped me get buckled and began backing out of the driveway. Another contraction came and I begged for him to stop the car so I could get out and work through it. It felt torturous to be strapped into the seat. He sped out of our neighborhood, refusing to stop. "We just need to get there!" he said. I could tell he didn't want to be delivering his baby on the side of the road. Each time I felt a contraction coming, I lifted myself up and did my best to move through it. The weight of my body against the seat was excruciating and that was the only way I could find any sort of relief. 

I tried my best to focus on other sensations around me like the wind in my face and the beat of the music while waiting for the next wave to hit. At one point I opened my eyes long enough to notice a man stopped at the same red light as us. Both of our windows were down and his jaw was on the floor as he watched me have a contraction. I gave him a little nod like, "everything's Ok," and we were off again.

We arrived at the birth center and Shaunti, our midwife, came to greet us. I had two more contractions while getting out of the car, at which point I heard her call the nurse on the phone and say, "Kelly's here and I don't think it will be long. Please head over now." Although I felt like I was progressing quickly, I refused to get too excited. My labor with Liv had been 24 hours of marathon-like physical exertion. I was prepared for the long haul time time around too.

After some coaxing, we got settled in our birthing room. The tub was filling up and Shaunti offered to check my progress. My fear after experiencing such a long labor with Liv was that if I was checked too early and discovered I hadn't progressed much, my confidence would be shaken. I decided it was better not to know. My other insecurity was that getting into the tub might slow my labor down like it had during Liv's birth. With a bit of a chuckle, Shaunti reassured me that wouldn't be the case this time. I labored about 15 minutes around the birthing room, having what seemed like a mere moment's break before the next contraction came. I spent the majority of my contractions hanging around Keane's neck during Liv's labor, but these contractions had intensified so quickly that no single position felt comfortable or effective. I decided to get into the tub.

Two contractions went by and every fiber of my body constricted. I told Keane I felt like I was going to be sick so he held a bowl to my mouth while I slowly swayed and tried to focus on my breath. I felt the need to bear down on the third contraction and felt a pop. With news that my water had broken, Shaunti, Abree (the student midwife) and Chandra (the nurse) gathered around me. They listened to our boy's heartbeat intermittently which remained good and strong. Shaunti placed a mirror under me to watch for his head. A few more contractions and some strong pushes later, out came our little boy. It was 11:13pm, just two hours after the whole thing began.

I pulled our baby out of the water and onto my chest, in utter disbelief by how quickly he made his entrance. It all felt like a dream- like it was happening to someone else.
I couldn't believe it was over! I felt energized, alert and so elated. 

Our babe had a hard time getting his color and taking strong breaths right after he came out, so Shaunti and Chandra vigorously rubbed his back and played with his limbs a bit to "wake him up." After almost a minute of stimulation, he pinked up and let out a good cry. We all took a collective sigh of relieve, although Shaunti assured us that his reaction was pretty common for babies born in the water and also because he came out so fast.

Shortly after his birth, we moved from the tub to our bed and did immediate skin-to-skin with him. Keane and I studied every part of him, from his perfectly round head to his huge feet! I stroked his face and I wept over my new baby boy for whom I had worked so hard to bring into this world. 

We settled on the name we had been considering for months: Cohen Bozley Ray. It was most fitting for such a strong and handsome boy. 

Born at 11:13pm on July 22, 2015,

Cohen Bozley weighed 7 lbs 15 oz and was 21.5 inches long.

Our big boy!

We left the birth center about 5 hours after Cohen was born and headed home to snuggle and recover in our own bed. Because my labor began after Liv went to bed the night before, and we were home while she was still sleeping, she was quite surprised to discover her new baby brother in our bed when she woke up that morning. Her reaction to Cohen was absolutely precious. She was tender and loving and asked if she could "lay on him very, very gently." :) The video of their first meeting is something I will cherish forever. 

Our boy has blessed our lives in ways we could never have expected. I didn't know how my heart could stretch any bigger than it already had for his big sister, but the love we feel for Cohen was instantaneous and unconditional. We are elated to have him safe at home with us and our family of four feels so complete!

Always and Forever, Coco. 

Always and Forever.

Dear Baby

Well little lady, we are so very blessed. 25 of our closest friends and family got together over the weekend to celebrate your life. Your Aunties Ali and Lindsey hosted the baby shower and added so many beautiful touches, it brought tears to my eyes. Each guest left you a "Wish" card that I will put in your baby book for us to look through together in a few years. We decorated onesies for you and I was spoiled with such generous gifts to help us prepare for your arrival. Your Aunt Lindsey also made you a time capsule box which everyone filled with story prompts for us to share with you when you are older. It was so fun reading through prompts about your papa and me from people who have known us throughout all stages of our lives. I can't wait to share those special memories with you someday.

I've been growing you for 32 weeks now, my love. This third trimester has been pretty great to us so far. I scored a 61 on my glucose screening which made our midwives very happy since they want to see a number below 150. We finished our birthing classes and loved our doula instructor so much that we decided to hire a doula for your birth. We begin interviewing women later this week.

Your movements are getting slower and more pronounced since you are now growing so rapidly. My belly is so big that your papa has to help me get my boots on and off. I still haven't had any heartburn to speak of so I'm thinking you won't have much hair when you come out. My milk cravings subsided in my second trimester and now my body just wants a lot of healthy protein. You and I go to the gym at least 3 times a week to use the elliptical and weights. I'm pretty sure you enjoy the movement because you are always very still while we are there. Frequent and consistent exercise has been crucial for my health during this pregnancy. I attribute that and a whole lot of praying to my relatively pain-free back during these past 8 months.  

We are working hard to get your room prepared. I made your curtains and last weekend we picked out your crib and dresser. I'm anxious to get all your clothes and goodies organized and put away so we can start hanging things on your walls and adding the finishing touches to your space. 

I wish I could express how much I already love you and how ready I am for this next stage of my life. I truly feel that I was made to be a mama and that you are our greatest gift. Your daddy feels the same way and has been so calm and steady throughout this process. Not once has he expressed any fear about becoming a father or having to give anything up when you get here. We know that you will enrich our lives more than either of us can fathom. 

As we tell you every night, keep growing healthy and strong, sweet girl. We can't wait to see your face. 

All my love,

Mama

Dear Baby

Hi little one! You have now been growing in my tummy for 25 weeks. Only 15 more to go before we can snuggle. I dream about what that will be like every day! You have been kicking and moving like crazy in the last month. You are sitting very low so most of your kicks are felt in my bladder and intestines. Speaking of my bladder, carrying you around has been taking its toll. I find myself saying more often than I'd like to admit, "Whoops, I just peed a little," after sneezing, coughing or laughing too hard at your papa's jokes. This pregnancy thing is not as glamorous as it appears in the movies, I'll tell you that much.

I'm craving sweets quite a bit these days, and papa gives me a hard time about my affinity for doughnuts. When we were at the grocery store last night, I mentioned I wanted to stop by the bakery and get myself a treat at which point he proceeded to clear me a path and announce to everyone that we had a pregnant lady coming through who was "in desperate need of a doughnut." What a gem.

There are so many things that have changed in and on mama's body since becoming pregnant. My belly now has a new layer of peach fuzz covering it which is normal at this stage. After noticing my new fuzz the other day, I had a dream about it, only in my dream it wasn't blonde peach fuzz. It was thick, black hair like a chimpanzee and only on my belly. I actually checked my stomach when I woke up to make sure it was a dream. Phew!

Papa and I have been talking a lot about names for you, but we haven't come up with the perfect one quite yet. In the mean time we've been calling you Ray Baby, or Rabie for short, and Keleane which is a blend of both our names. You can thank your papa for those contributions.

We painted your nursery over the weekend. I think you're going to love it! As we were looking at paint samples, the only colors your papa would consider were shades of pink or purple. I tried to explain to him that baby girls could have pretty mint green or canary yellow walls, but he insisted those colors were not feminine enough for our little girl. You will soon learn, Raybie, that your dad is very easy going about most subjects, so when he expressed a strong opinion regarding nursery paint colors, I was willing to support it! He picked the paint color and it's perfect.

Your grandmas each bought you some super cute outfits for Christmas. I can't wait to dress you up when you get here! I have a hard time believing you will be so tiny but I know it's true. Papa and I are researching cribs and strollers and doing our due diligence when it comes to registering for gifts for you. Only the best for our peanut!

Well, it's time for me to go start dinner but I wanted to give you a little update and tell you how much I love you. Stay cozy in there for a while longer. You are our greatest accomplishment, little one.

Forever and Always,

Mama

Dear Baby

I lie in bed at night with my hands on my belly, imaging the first moment I will hold you– the feel of your skin, the shape of your eyes, the color of your hair. I pray for your health and development. I pray that I am providing a warm and suitable home for you to grow. But most importantly, I pray a prayer of gratitude for your beautiful life. You are truly a gift that your papa and I have been wanting for so long.

Somedays I find myself in tears thinking about how excited I am to show you this amazing world. I can't wait for you to experience the beauty it holds, and I anticipate how I will help you through its heartaches. I want nothing more than for you to feel safe and supported, honored and respected. I want to be an example of patience and unconditional love.

If, my little one, we find out in a few weeks that you are a girl, my hope for you is to be strong and confident, yet soft and nurturing. I want you to know without a doubt that you can do anything you put your mind to, so long as it's done with integrity and hard work. I hope you find independence and learn to love yourself, for when it comes time to choose a mate, you'll be prepared to truly love another.

If we find out that you are a little mister, I will feel relief because you already have the most amazing man in your life to emulate. Model his free spirit– it will bring joy to everyone it touches. Model his kindness– it will soften even the hardest of people. Model his work ethic– it will help you reach all your goals. Model his faith– it will be a constant reminder that God is working in your life to bring you to your greatest good.

Baby, each time we get to hear your quick little heart beat coming from inside of me, we are reminded that we have been entrusted to care for you. Our purpose on this earth has forever been broadened and for that we are so grateful.

We love you to the moon and back, little one.