Nov 28, 2011

Impermanent Permanency

It's all I've ever longed for.
I don't care for change (unless we are talking hair styles or duvet covers, then I'm in).
Seeing as how I've moved nearly every year of my life since I was 17, my craving for domestic permanency outweighs most others. 

My college dorm.
My first apartment in AZ.
My first apartment in CO.
A house with 5 other college girls.
Two locations in Fort Collins with my fiance.
A townhouse in Denver with my husband.
And now, here I sit after our second transfer in Wyoming. 

I'm tired of feeling unsettled, like my belongings and I are always in transit. I miss knowing where things are and having access to what I need. Right now, we have about a quarter of our possessions with us. The rest of our furniture, clothes, books, pictures, etc. are being stored in a gracious relative's garage until we come home for good. 

I fantasize about having a garage. Better yet, a garage that's attached to our home. I dream about closets and laundry rooms, cabinet space and homes for things. We have resorted to shoving things where we can fit them at this point so nothing is organized and that alone is enough to drive me mad. 

Each time we move, something else gets broken, scratched or ruined. I long to be able to buy nice things and keep them nice. I want to invest in furniture that we will one day give to our kids when they move into their first apartment. I want to buy a house, plant roots, do home improvement projects, and start traditions.

Permanency. It's what I want.
But for some reason, it's far from what I have at the moment.
I suppose it's just another lesson to be learned.
A lesson about letting go of control, of materialism, of dependency on things.
It's hard. So so hard, but I'm working on it - trying to remember what is really important and how little we actually need to survive.

Someday, maybe, we'll live in one spot for longer than a year. We'll buy a house, plant a garden, paint walls and host Christmas dinner. I'll know the whereabouts of my Crock Pot, my Friends DVDs, and my snow-pants.

Until someday comes, I'll try to keep my mind open and my packing tape handy. Because that is all I can do.

and so it is...

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