Apr 27, 2012

Time keeps on slippin', slippin'

I came across this video a few weeks ago. The message is simple.

The key to a happy marriage is spending quality time alone with your partner.

It seems intuitive, right? Of course we should spend time with our partner. We did choose to be with them after all. We must enjoy their company. But why then, do so many couples struggle to stay connected throughout the years?

I see how easy it can be to get caught up in the routine of work, kids and family. You start to lead separate lives under the same roof and before you know it, you are strangers. I have seen it happen to many relationships which is why I love the message in this video so much. It's crucial to find time, free of any distractions, to really be together. Like Dana Fillmore says, how can anyone expect to work on issues in their marriage if they don't even make time to talk!

I was shocked to hear that people having an affair somehow manage to carve out 15 hours per week to spend together, while most married couples struggle to find 1! If we don't make it a priority to connect one-on-one with our partner, we will inevitably grow apart.

My favorite part of the video was her insistence that "your kids will not thank you if you put them first but then get a divorce." I've found this to be true for everything in life. It doesn't matter how many assets you have or how accomplished you've become in the workplace. If you don't have a strong foundation, everything else will fall apart and then what was it all for?

Dr. Fillmore recommends couples schedule at least 8 hours of alone time per week (NO KIDS ALLOWED!) and I can only assume sitting in front of the TV together doesn't count.

I once heard Dr. Phil say it is a better investment in your marriage to spend money on one weekly date night alone (i.e. get a babysitter) than it is to save money all year for an extravagant vacation– his point being that relationships require consistent effort and one big hurrah every year won't cut it.

I shared this video with Keane and we are trying to be more conscious of the time we do spend together. Are we giving our undivided attention or are we distracted by something else? Are we truly listening to one another or are we thinking about what we'll say next?

Some interesting stuff to think about...

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and spend some quality time with the one you love.


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