The last few months have been, well, ugly. The hormones, the nausea, the acne, the constipation. And this pregnancy glow people speak of? I'm still waiting for it. Because up until a couple weeks ago, the only hue I was sporting was green.
I'm reading a funny book about the trials and tribulations of pregnancy and the author says screw the term 'morning sickness.' Instead, she encourages people to call it what it really is: progesterone poisoning. I much prefer this term as it gives a more accurate representation of what these last few months have felt like.
Up until recently, food was the only thing that could settle my constantly queasy stomach. I had to force myself to eat every hour or so to keep the poisoning at bay. From the moment I woke in the morning before even getting out of bed, I was planning my route to the quickest thing I could shove in my mouth. Too much movement before eating would cause my body to turn on me in an instant. The blood would drain from my extremities, I would sweat, saliva filled my mouth, and nausea set in.
Throughout the day, waves of this would hit me without warning and with little regard for my personal schedule. I would be forced to rip open and scarf a bag of carrots or a protein bar in the grocery store aisle, leave a restaurant with friends to dry heave in the parking lot, or slump myself over my cart in the checkout line of Costco, fanning myself so I didn't faint.
The worst part of all this was that I wasn't showing yet so I got very little pity from bystanders. Just looks of horror as they passed.
The emotional shifts that came with my surging pregnancy hormones were no laughing matter either. Seriously, you better not have laughed at me or I would have lashed out. It was as if there was a short circuit in my neurotransmitters and the only emotion I had was irritability.
I'm now14 weeks and I finally feel like nausea doesn't dictate my day. I can leave the house for longer than an hour at a time without bringing snacks with me everywhere I go. My emotions have evened out too and I'm not constantly annoyed by people. And Keane is happy that I'm laughing at his jokes again!
Despite the physical and emotional roller coaster of the last 3 months, I'm able to feel gratitude because I know what I'm going through is for a greater good. The BEST good.
I would do it again and again if it means our babe is growing big and strong. The love and connection I feel for this life growing inside me is something that I cannot explain but that I've always dreamed of. I felt like a mama the moment we saw that positive pregnancy test and I will forever hold that title in the highest regard. Even if it means I have to suffer through some dry heaves and stretch marks.
We can't wait to meet you, little one. Mama and papa love you already and we hope you have a sense of humor! :)