Having a baby is tough stuff. It's beautiful and rewarding and fun and fulfilling, but it's also tough. Liv has turned out to be one active little lady. She demands constant stimulation and attention or she'll gladly make it known that she's not happy. We have to be on the go at all times– doing, seeing, exploring, learning– or she is not content.
In addition to all that activity, not much has changed on the nap front since I wrote this post. In fact, we are averaging only three, 30 minute naps each day. It's just enough time for me to do the tip-toe run to the shower, start a load of laundry or check my email before she starts to stir on the monitor.
This constant race against the clock is exhausting, and by the time Keane gets home from work, I'm in desperate need of a mental break.
Unlike some other moms I've met, I have no consistent naps or early bedtimes to look forward to. Keane and I have exactly zero time together at the end of a weekday because this Miss doesn't like going to bed before 9:30pm. Once she's down, I scramble to get myself ready for bed so I can sleep while she sleeps. After 2-3 nighttime feedings, the morning comes and we are at it again.
There was a period of time a couple months ago when I was making myself crazy reading sleep books and talking to other moms, desperate to learn the secret to making a child sleep. Everyone else seemed to have all the answers and I was sure I was to blame for Liv's resistance to naps. I must have been doing something wrong. Were we not scheduled enough? Was I picking her up too soon after waking? Maybe she would put herself back to sleep if I gave her enough time.
For one week, I attempted the Ferber Method. I thought I just needed to train her to sleep longer during the day. So I let her cry in her crib alone after she'd wake from her short catnaps. After 10 minutes of screaming each day, I realized I wasn't cut out for this method. It didn't feel right for us so I stopped. It was at that moment that I gave myself and my baby some much needed grace to simply accept our present situation for what it was without trying to change it.
A thought entered my mind around this time. If I lived 300 years ago and didn't have access to parenting books and sleep experts and all sorts of crap on the internet, what would I do?
The answer was simple. I would do what feels right for my baby and me. I would not be comparing myself to other moms in play group or second-guessing my gut. I would understand that all babies are different and that the hard stuff doesn't last forever. I would hunker down and get through this stage in the way that feels right for our family and stop worrying if our way looks different from other people's.
And so I changed my perspective on the whole thing. I put down the books and made a commitment to stop using the left side of my brain so much. My analytical thinking and constant questioning was only making me more anxious and less able to enjoy the time I spent with my babe.
Finally, I remembered this quote.
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...and I'm not willing to give up my happy without a hard fight.
and so it is...
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Love it! Well done!
ReplyDeleteRight on, sister. This sounds a lot like what I went through. Finally (for a few months now), my kid (at 17 months) takes one 2-3 hour nap each day and almost always sleeps through the night. She woke up at 9am today and yesterday! Who is this kid?! Anyways, you're right about going with your gut and that every baby is different. I had to explain this to my husband so many times because he was pro-ferber method. We attempted it too, like you did. We quit it but then revisited it after some time passed. When she was a bit older, she was better at handling it and we transitioned very slowly into "crying it out". We just had to wait until she was...ready. Now, she goes down for her naps AND bedtime without a single fuss...sometimes she'll even blow me a kiss on my way out the door. You'll get there, too. But just like we did, some parents have to pay their dues, so to speak. It's like an ugly parent initiation or something. Like pregnancy and birth weren't enough.
ReplyDeleteAwesome to hear! I think I'll be more open to a little crying when she's a bit older. For now, doesn't feel good for her or me. Thanks for sharing your experience, mama. xo
DeleteMy baby (who is turning one tomorrow) has pretty much always taken 2 30 minute naps. I've only met a few other people who are with me on that, but it seems most get 1-3 hour naps. What I would do with all of that extra time! A few times, when she is teething, she has slept for 2 hours in the morning, but she will go right back to her 30 minute naps. Although mine goes to bed by 7pm each night (we get up at 6am) she still wakes up at least once a night (sometimes a few times). Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I just take it as a compliment when people are shocked that she only naps for 30 minutes and ask how I get anything done.
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! A fellow cat-napper! Thanks for the comment. Us sleep deprived mamas must stick together.
DeleteWell said! She is a doll and looks very happy! I'm learning to "go with it" during meal times for my twins. Their dr. tells me they need to have x amounts of formula, this much of that, blah, blah, blah! They eat what they want and how much they want, and they drink when they're thirsty. I'm tired of searching for "sample meal plans for 11 month baby." In the end, we chose what works best for us, and that's letting them decide and trusting that I am doing what is best even if it is different than others or against dr's recommendations.
ReplyDeleteYes! I think we need to be encouraged to follow our intuitions rather than trying to fit our families into rigid boxes. Good for you!
Deletei love the bit about how you would parent 300 years ago without all the books. so so good!! i think we need less of the messiness of our culture telling us what to do and more of being free to love and parent our babies in the way they need.
ReplyDeletehappy tuesday, friend!
xo
Amen. PS you have the most ADORABLE instagram photos. I'm hooked :) Thanks for reaching out. xxoo
DeleteWow. I'm a first time mommy with a 6 month old and we have A LOT in common. I'm fighting the sleep battle at night. He's pretty predictable during the day but at night its a different story. The Ferber method is breaking my heart but it actually has worked a bit for the past 2 nights. If real results don't show, I think I might have to let it go too.
ReplyDeleteI will definitely be following your blog. It'll be nice to follow someone with a child under a year. Thanks!
Welcome Karen! Thanks for reading. Sometimes I wonder why God designed babies to be such awful sleepers when that's what new parents need the most. We'll all get through it though and maybe even forget how hard it was...I hear that's why people have more than one kid. Let it be clear, I'm not there yet. :)
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